As a grandmother, I treasure my time with my grandkids, but there’s a limit. When my daughter-in-law Tina started casually dropping her kids off during my monthly book club, I knew something had to change. What happened next became a lesson in respect that Tina won’t soon forget.
After 42 years of marriage, I found myself living alone after my husband passed away three years ago. It was an adjustment, but I’ve kept myself active and surrounded by family. My children, Michael and Sarah, have blessed me with four beautiful grandchildren. Michael and his wife, Tina, live nearby with two energetic kids—Emma and Jake—while Sarah’s family lives out of state, so I don’t get to see them as often.
I’ve always been happy to help out when needed. Whether it’s picking up the kids from school, taking care of them when they’re sick, or simply being there in an emergency, I’ve been more than willing to lend a hand. But there’s one thing that has been mine alone: my book club.
Every month, I set aside three hours for my group. It’s a sacred time where we dive into deep discussions about our book of the month, share insights, and laugh together. It’s my escape, my time to simply be Martha the reader, not just Grandma.
But Tina didn’t seem to get it. The first time I mentioned my book club, she dismissed it. “A book club? Really?” she said, with a smirk. “That’s cute, Martha. Like something out of a TV show.” She didn’t take it seriously, and I thought maybe she was just having a hard time adjusting to the newness of motherhood. Still, I didn’t let it bother me.
Then came the real test.
It was my book club day, and I was setting everything up—tea cups, cake, and all the snacks. Just as my friends were due to arrive, I heard Tina’s car pull into the driveway. Before I could even greet her, she was pulling her kids out of the car. “Hi, Martha! Perfect timing! I need you to watch Emma and Jake for a few hours.”
I froze. “Tina, it’s book club day. I told you.”
“Oh right, your book thing,” she said nonchalantly, brushing off my concerns. “I’ll be quick. Back before dinner!”
And just like that, she was gone. No snacks, no explanation of nap times, just her and the kids. I was left scrambling. Emma had already scattered crayons across the couch, and Jake was playing with my houseplants like they were toys. My book club friends walked in to see the chaos. “Maybe we should postpone,” said Helen, dodging a flying Lego.
This wasn’t the first time Tina had dropped the kids off without warning. After a second similar incident, my friends urged me to take action. “Martha, you’ve got to put your foot down,” Dorothy said. “She’s taking advantage of you.”
They were right. Tina had been using me as a free babysitter, disregarding my plans. I wasn’t upset about helping my grandkids, but I was frustrated that my time wasn’t being respected.
The next time Tina showed up, I decided it was time to teach her a lesson. I greeted her with a smile, waited ten minutes after she left, and packed the kids into my car. I drove straight to her yoga class.
I walked into the studio, Jake on my hip and Emma by my side, and found Tina in a downward dog position. “Tina, honey!” I called cheerfully. She turned, startled. “Can you watch the kids for a bit? It won’t take long,” I said, mimicking her exact words.
Before she could respond, I gently placed Jake by her mat and nudged Emma to sit nearby. “Thanks a million!” I smiled and walked out.
And I kept doing it.
Hair appointment? I arrived with both kids. Brunch with friends? I showed up with diapers. Every time, I smiled and said, “Just a couple of hours—you don’t mind, right?”
The third time, when I left the kids at a café, Tina exploded. “You can’t just dump the kids on me without warning!” she yelled later that evening. “I had plans! That was humiliating!”
I crossed my arms and calmly responded, “Oh? Plans? Like I did for my book club?”
Her face turned red, but I stayed calm. “Tina, I’m happy to help. But you need to ask with respect and give me notice. Otherwise, I’ll keep doing exactly what you taught me—drop and go.”
She didn’t argue. And since then, my book club time has been peaceful.
Sometimes, we need to show others that our time and commitments are just as important as theirs. By setting boundaries and standing firm, Tina learned a valuable lesson about respect—and I learned how to take control of my own time.